I don't care (that i do)

I think I've realized something about social situations and interactions.

It's not that I have to not care about what other people think, it's that I have to not care that I care about what other people think.

It's okay to want connection and look foolish/stupid going after it.

As a kid, you care deeply how others think of you. Your peers, your parents. And you don't care b/c you don't know to care.

The trouble is, when you care about something, you live very emotionally, and that can be needy and uncomfortable for others.

For my 3 year old, he cares very deeply that I play with him every moment he wants me to. He doesn't think to hold back that emotion.

As we grow, our brain starts figuring out that when we show care, we sometimes get hurt.

So we think, "I need to stop caring".

But that doesn't feel right. Because you do care. Making connections and sharing your emotional side feels so good.

You're desperately torn between needing connection, and being terrified to admit it.

Is the way out to admit that you have a problem and resolve to do nothing about it?

To accept that, as a human, connecting with others, even strangers, is just as necessary as oxygen?

You can try holding your breath and pretending you don't need to breathe; You're not that self-involved, right?

Breathing is a purely selfish act. But it's completely necessary for life.

I think the emotional connection is just the same. It's selfish, but it's necessary.

Photo by Andreas Rønningen on Unsplash